Let’s consider a few different prospectives regarding human relationships and connections.
One Webster’s dictionary definition of connection is: a relationship in which a person, (thing, or idea is linked) is associated with something (or someone) else: Some synonyms for interpersonal connection(s) are: associations, fellowship, acquaintances, friends and community. Another word for connection with regard to humans is relationship as stated in the dictionary definition. In this culture, the word relationship has been more commonly known, as a romantic or passionate connection between two people. This is not entirely true as there are relationships between friends, co-workers, business partners, teacher and student, doctor and patient, professional and client, service provider and guest, team members and many more.
Many humans living on this planet in this time and space are shifting towards more conscious living, despite what mainstream media would have you believe. The consciousness seekers, are stripping away emotional walls and barriers and becoming more authentic. One description of consciousness is moving closer to our original identities. We are getting closer to who we really are as opposed to the contrast, who we have become through the influences of our family of origin, society, culture and environment. We are moving towards authenticity, simultaneously creating independence and interdependence as these are the natural and inevitable results of living an authentic life. This shift in consciousness can be a courageous endeavor as well as a huge undertaking with the results being fun, joy, serenity and a life that flows easily.
Humans cannot exist alone or totally independent from outside human contact. We all have basic survival needs for food, shelter, and clothing, and we also desire many additional goods and services that other people provide. AND, I now mention, we all have EMOTIONAL NEEDS! Some of these emotional needs are validation, acceptance, confirmation, acknowledgement and support. When emotional needs are not met or are misunderstood, people try to assuage the ensuing emptiness and pain with substitutes which are usually ineffective or temporary and can lead to compulsive and addictive behaviors.
As a Life Transition Coach, educator, and SuperHealth consultant, I have helped people deal effectively with unmet emotional needs and their ineffective results. I have helped my clients change the direction of their lives and heal the wounds created by the effects of socializing, or fitting in.
Super Health is the Yogic Science and Technology for shifting unwanted habits, compulsions, and destructive addictive behavior.
If we are not experiencing connection among other humans, we may be experiencing adverse symptoms due to social isolation. Some of these symptoms can be stress, anxiety and tension which is ultimately fear. This isolation has taken you out of authenticity and into separation which could lead to addiction.
What constitutes an addiction?
An Addiction is: anything we humans do consistently, that we feel is out of our control. We may even know this action is harmful yet we feel powerless over this behavior. In my opinion destructive habits or habits leading to undesired results and compulsions are harmful but not as drastic as an addiction. These less drastic habits and compulsions lead to addictions, which are then all consuming.
What are contemporary destructive habitual, compulsive and addictive substances?
We all know about prescription and recreational drugs, alcohol, nicotine, and extreme caffeine. Others that are very harmful yet less considered are FOOD (including sugar), co-dependency, gambling, overworking, underworking, shopping / hoarding and sex / porn. This list is growing rapidly. In this contemporary culture we now have DEVICES which lead to some of the worst and very isolating addictions of all human time. Those addictions are internet surfing, Social Media and GAMING!
So where is all this going?
We ALL need more connection, friends, energetic family, associations, fellowship, Sangat, tribe, neighbors, community and whatever else YOU want to call it. We must stop making excuses about liking isolation, being alone, and extreme privacy.
Some of us were isolated as children, punished by being “sent to our room”, made to study, work, or take care of siblings and not allowed or encouraged to be with others. Sometimes even the physical environment isolated us from a larger community. Therefore, isolation became normal, comfortable, easy, and familiar. This was not good then and eventually grew to be harmful, out of alignment, unhealthy, upstream and potentially destructive.
We NEED each other. We cannot live alone. We must stop making excuses for living by ourselves, and for not knowing our “neighbors”. We are denying our basic human needs and making excuses for not having the ability to connect with others. This can be changed, developed, and learned or re-learned. Children do this immediately and naturally. We adults forgot or were trained away from this.
Some basic skills to experiment with or re-develop are:
1) Smile at everyone! Start with people walking past you on the sidewalk. Express facial delight as you walk into a room. Be kind to service people like wait staff and cashiers. Make their day with a smile and a genuine hello! When possible, focus with presence on their words, statement(s), story, or emotion. Do this without judgment, just presence.
2) Ask questions.
Then LISTEN, as above, with presence, to the answer. This shows recognizable interest in the other person. The other person becomes validated and comfortable. They relax in knowing they have a new friend who is compassionate, curious and supporting in their story or point of view.
3) Say THANK YOU! as often as possible to everyone for anything. Even disparaging news, sharp comments or criticism have a silver lining AND the presenters of this need more love not less.
4) Be as humble as possible knowing that putting others first is showing compassion and our own self care.
5) Invite people to be a part of your tribe, circle, and community and others will invite you. That’s how it works … YOU invite, then you get invited.
These are only a few. Once these skills become second nature they become our character and we need not think about these as skills anymore. They become who WE are and more automatic.
Conclusion:
We all can slowly, over time, develop many more connections which will further our efforts as humans to grow, change, expand, create, and evolve. We each want and need more validation, from more people who LIKE us exactly for who we are and where we are on our path.
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